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7 Most Common Dating Mistakes Men Make

by Jonathan Green
dating mistakes

Let’s cut to the chase. Women are awesome! Dating women, spending time with women, being surrounded by women is awesome.

Unless you’re trapped in the “friend zone”…

Then being around women can be torture. You are in a prison and beautiful women are the guards. They are all around you, but you can’t reach through the bars to touch them.

dating mistakes

I have been where you are. But I escaped. And now I can help you arrange your own prison break.

The thing about this escape is that it’s not about what you should do; it’s about what you must not do. If you can avoid these seven deadly dating sins, then you can have a life worth living.

Avoid These Dating Mistakes Like the Plague

1. Being Too Eager

You want a girl. You want to date her. But if you get too excited and push too hard you will kill her attraction for you. Wood needs two things to burn, fire and oxygen. If you cover her with your fire, she can’t get any oxygen and will pull back just to be able to breathe.

Give her the space to fall for you. Let her know you are interested but don’t go for the full-court press.

2. Acting Like a Child

As children, we hold our mom’s hand and let her lead us everywhere. She tells us what to do and where to go. We are used to letting a woman lead us around.

Do not do this with a woman you’re attracted to. Every time she leads you through a club or picks the restaurant or movie, a little part of her attraction for you dies. She will stop feeling like your girlfriend and start feeling like your mommy.

Women like men of action; decision-makers, trigger-pullers. If you can’t pick a restaurant, how are you going to protect her when there is a noise downstairs in the middle of the night?

Stop acting like a child. Start acting like a man.

3. Over-Thinking

You like a girl. You spend months planning out the perfect way to ask her out. But the day before you do, some random dude just walks up and asks her out. Now they’ve been dating for months and are talking about getting married. And you get to cry yourself to sleep at night.

Ninety-percent of dating is actually about taking action.

You wouldn’t believe how often a man sees a woman he likes and does nothing because he is busy thinking of thousands of scenarios. He wants to start with the perfect pickup line to make her fall for him. Or he’s holding his phone trying to craft the perfect text.

Not taking action is a form of action; the wrong form.

4. Letting Fear Hold You Back

Just like over-thinking, fear can freeze you. At every phase of a relationship, fear can murder you. What if you walk up to a woman in a bar and say hello and then she stabs you? I’ve imagined that. You’re talking to her and want to hold her hand but then she might freak out and run screaming into the dark of night.

You are afraid to tell her you like her. You chicken out on asking her to prom.

There is nothing more unattractive than a man who is afraid.

If you just start taking action, if you put fear in your pocket and ignore it, your life will change dramatically.

5. Putting Her On a Pedestal

Nobody wants to be worshipped. I once had a friend who said a girl could never be too needy. So I set him up with the neediest girl I knew. He loved it for a few weeks but then he dumped her because she kept saying how she didn’t deserve him.

Women don’t want a groveler. They want a partner and a leader.

If you keep telling her she’s out of your league, eventually she will start to believe you!

And then she will dump you.

6. Having a Gross Apartment

I shouldn’t have to say this but your bathroom is probably disgusting. Almost every time a girl comes over, she will ask to use the bathroom before she gets kinky. And when she sees a black ring in that toilet, she is going to head for the hills.

Girls are more aware of cleanliness than men and a dirty apartment can freak them out. I know guys who won’t take a girl home when they realize their apartment isn’t clean. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Clean your place. It’s the easiest thing in the world. Turn your home base into your ally.

7. Making Your Life Revolve Around Women

What do you think happens when you go out hunting for women seven nights a week and you finally get a girlfriend? Suddenly, all your plans are cancelled. Your life becomes empty. Now all your plans revolve around hanging out with her.

Think of a new hobby. Fast!

Girls want to be with a man who has an amazing life. You need to start building that now. If you don’t have other things in your life besides your charm, all your relationships will die after a few weeks.

The Takeaway

You know who you are and you know what you want. And now you know what mistakes to avoid on the path to your destination. If you stay the course you can have long and amazing relationships.

Avoid these deadly pitfalls and you can have the girlfriend of your dreams.


Get-A-Girlfriend expert Jonathan Green holds a master’s degree in applied linguistics. A member of Mensa, he has taught at Vanderbilt University and overseas. He worked a decade as a DJ in clubs in the United States, Japan and UK. He has three sisters and loves to paint, draw with pastels and play the guitar. Jonathan qualified twice in the Junior Olympics in Taekwondo and once saved a girl from drowning.

Photo by Thomas Leuthard

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Crissy Steel April 23, 2013 - 9:54 am

Point Number 2 when you talk about pulling the trigger, bla bla bla, should’ve included an exclusion clause for people like Oscar Pistorious

the woman March 31, 2013 - 8:18 pm

Surely, girls want their boyfriends to be a man, to be in charge. But be careful not to be over-controlling, it could spoil everything. Try to “respect” her needs, her opinions and her feelings.

Carren December 2, 2012 - 12:57 am

Fear. This is what got my attention. A man’s fear. I met my ex 16 years ago at a bar. He asked me a question and then said, are you going to slap me now? I cracked up laughing at his boyish somewhat drunken cocky behavior. He got my # 3 weeks later. We married a year after that, from that point on was pure hell for the next 10 years. Separated, divorced 4 years ago. Now he rents a room from me in a house I bought after our divorce. We are very good friends, he takes care of me, protects me, all the things he should have done when we were married.
Personally, I think it’s just like being married only better because we don’t fight, argue, have mutual respect, ect. We know each other, and rarely had sex when we were married which was a big problem. He cheated. We had sex for a year before he moved in with me this time and it was as awesome as the 1st time. Now that he lives with me he doesn’t want to have sex because he thinks it will ruin our friendship. He tells our friends that one of us will want more. I have made up my mind. I would love to have sex with him but I’m not waiting. He is afraid of what will happen and by thinking it won’t work, it won’t. He really loves me more than he did when we were married. A woman can tell by what a man says to her, does and treats her. I knew every time. We have totally forgiven each other for both our parts and treat each other with mutual respect, compassion and learned to talk.

I know he wants to have sex with me so bad, but something, his fear, which you brought up is holding him out. When I find someone else, he is out and it will change our friendship because there will be this 3rd person. One female friend who know him better than she knows me says he can handle me with another man, but she wasn’t living with him for 12 years. She wasn’t married to him. People don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. She just found out he had cheated on me before. That is not my concern because I know he doesn’t want anyone but me. However, I can’t hold out waiting either. I have even tried, just do it for the physical relief. (he has his own room, invites me in to watch t.v. ect. talk, hang out.

What I need to know is: 1. How can I get him to change his mind and not worry about what will happen until something happens when we have sex again or 2. Just move on for my benefit which I know will change our relationship because like I said, there is a 3rd person at that point and I don’t cheat. I will be spending less time with him, he will be caring for my pets. He works off repairs for his rent. He is self employed and business is slow. He is also depressed about that. I beleive he is in denial that he can handle it because I had a date over to watch t.v. three months ago. Thirty minutes after my date got here, he left and didn’t come home untill wee hours of the morning but he does that anyway. The only thing differnet was he just up and left. He still knows the exact date. I don’t. He has lived his whole life in a nearby city. Not a big deal to me. I like my time alone, I have self esteem, I’m 55, he is 56. I know I am hot for my age. I could have almost any man I wanted for sex but I want a bit more than that. I’m in no way pushing him for sex. I just know he really wants too from a different female friend. We have known these people for years. I just don’t get it, don’t understand it, or what to do. I don’t want to add to the problem by introducing another man in my life, espec when I want him and I know he wants me. He isn’t going to change his mind until something triggers it. Maybe it will be that other man. Can you give me some suggestions? I know this is a man’s site which is why I’m here. I want a man’s view on the subject. I could go on and on but I think you understand without more details.

jb January 26, 2013 - 1:18 am

I’m 49, went through three decades of depression. It almost cost me my life many many times. If his is as vicious as mine was, that’s hard as f-bomb to deal with. Day to day, even moment, to moment. He’s a little older, so those issues are a little above my understanding. At least he can work, that’s a positive. What’s changed depression, for a huge amount of anxiety, and ——-. I wish you success.

Dan February 3, 2013 - 3:04 am

You need to deliberately focus on finding another man. You cannot change somebody’s basic traits. If he hasn’t changed in all these years and now he is 56, what’s the chance of changing him now ? And how long that change will last ? It’s time for you to move on. I don’t know if it is a good idea for you both to live so close. Get your life together and start a new chapter with somebody who’s a right fit for you. You need somebody who is a man in a relationship in every way. You don’t need a guy who helps you in doing the chores, repairs, watch the dogs etc. At least you cannot have a romantic long-term healthy relationship that culminates into something meaningful and permamnent with the guy who helps you around the house but when it comes to communicating and making things magical in a relationship, he needs help too. Of course, he wouldn’t be around your date, so he’ll leave. Probably you’re reading too much into it. That’s just normal. And it will happen everytime. It will be very strange if he starts chatting-up your date to make him feel more welcome and comfortable so your relationship can progress with this date. Yes he respects you but respect may not turn into passionate sex. Also, when he invites you to his room, he wants company, nothing wrong with that. Probably, you’re again reading too much in every little gesture of his. If he thinks, sex will ruin the relationship then he’s not ready to take it to the next level or he is too afraid. In either case, he’s right. If he’s not ready or doesn’t want to risk it, he shouldn’t do it. If he’s too afraid, he shouldn’t do it because action speaks louder than words. And he’s unsure of action. When a man is unsure, even if he does things out of pressure or to please a partner, there is no long-term future for it to happen again n again and that too enjoyable, passionate sex. If you consider all these scenarios, it’s wiser for you to move on to the right person. Do not waste your time and feelings, and ruin this great friendship. If your relationships do not work out, you’ll have his shoulder to cry on. This is every woman’s dream. You have an unconditional friend and now you need to find a romantic partner with unconditional love for you. All the very best !

shahnawaz July 21, 2013 - 4:07 pm

Firstly u went to her and start talking again, try to read her mind that how she react. U talk about your previous day that your spend with her and slowly u try to back your relationship before u do this first u think why u were feel fair during the sex? Its so easy try it.

Angel Smith October 16, 2012 - 6:17 pm

Great article! I agree with almost everything said. Except that girls always want to be lead.

You’re right, girls don’t want to feel like their boyfriend’s mother but they do want to have a voice.

Also, I think the most attractive thing in a man is drive. If he’s 24 and working at a restaurant that’s okay! As long as he doesn’t want to be working there when he is 40 and has a plan to change it!

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