Insider Tips from a Dating Expert

Inspiyr spoke with dating expert Rachel Khona about ways guys can improve their dating skills. Read on to get insider tips and improve your game.

What are the best ways to approach a woman?

Confidence is the most important thing. As long as you’re approaching a woman with some level of confidence your chances are much better. It doesn’t have to be a line or anything like that. Just go make small talk. It should not be complicated.

If you have a line and it’s complicated she’s going to see through it.  Maybe you’ve read The Pickup Artist one too many times or you’re lacking confidence and that’s why you need the lines. But keeping it simple works wonders. Doing otherwise just sets you up for failure.

I’ve had guys say the dumbest lines to me. If you’re trying to be cocky and also “neg” girls at the same time, sorry, that’s not going to work. Just be normal and confident, keep it simple, and you’ll do fine.

What are the worst mistakes guys make during dating?

There are so many, but the biggest from my experience is they don’t really follow up right away. They try to play the game and act cool, but if you really want a woman, just go for it. Don’t waste your time, or hers. Don’t act like you’re too busy for it. If you do that it shows that either you’re not into it or you’re just lazy. It looks like you just want a relationship to fall into your lap. The truth is it’s probably a little bit of both for most people. But it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there so you’ve got to be on top of it. The early bird catches the worm in life and definitely in dating.

Also, when you’re following up, use your phone to talk! Don’t email if you have her digits already. That’s not very proactive and is certainly not a turn-on.

Listening to music

Today there are tons of options online for people to meet; social networks, dating sites, mobile dating app’s – how should men treat these technologies differently than when meeting someone in person?

I’ve had guys ask me out via Facebook and I think that’s fine. The same goes for Twitter and other social apps. I have a girlfriend whose last boyfriend connected with her through Twitter. I think that’s a great place to start. But once you’ve established a connection and you’ve gone out with a person you need to step it up and take it to the next level – get the number and call her – don’t just rely on email or Facebook or Twitter. Otherwise, it looks like you’re scared of the phone, or have other issues. You might meet a one-night stand doing that, you might meet a party girl or someone not that serious, but you’re not going to meet the right girl, by continuing to email her and avoiding the phone.

There’s growing hookup culture in the US, where women and men are settling down later in life, and because of this are enjoying less-serious relationship in their 20’s, 30’s and sometimes even later.  What advice do you have for men on how to best navigate this growing dating culture?

You have to figure out what she is looking for and know what you really want. A woman can want a career and a long-term relationship, but maybe not want marriage or living together right away. You can usually tell based on what her career ambitions are.  That’s something you’re only going to find out about by talking to her. It’s all about being on the same page. I don’t think you have to change your behavior. It’s simply about knowing what you want and realizing who wants what you do and who doesn’t.

Rachel Khona

What’s the #1 piece of advice you tell your guy friends about how to get the girl of their dreams?

Just go for it. Don’t pussyfoot around. That’s the sexiest thing ever. My boyfriend told me right away he really liked me and wanted to date me.   We had chemistry, and we liked each other, and he was attractive, so the basic stuff was already there What made him different was that he was right to the point, he wasn’t messing around, or trying to date 50 girls at once. He told me he just wanted to date me and that was the end of it. That was the biggest turn-on ever. He was decisive, confident, and passionate, three things that I think make a man very attractive.

At the same time we met, I was talking to other guys and we had these ongoing texts like “how was your weekend” or “how r u” or playing games and waiting a day to answer a simple text message to make dinner plans. It was annoying and none of it felt like it would go anywhere in the long run. When I said I was off the market. they were surprised but at the end of the day, they were all just dicking around, so, sorry.

But overall the biggest piece of advice is to just go for it. It’s like looking for a job.  If you find a job you really love you’re not going to just sit around and wait, you’re going to follow up and bring you’re A-game. You need to do the same thing in dating.

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