Negativity kills relationships.
It’s so easy for us to be negative than to be positive, because let’s face it, consistently being positive takes a lot of mental effort. But optimism is more powerful than pessimism, and it can drastically change your lifestyle.
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with an incredible guy for a little over three months, and I’ve never been happier. We’re so comfortable with each other, we’ve seen and accepted each other’s flaws, and we’ve had our share of big and small arguments.
Our first big fight started when my negative thoughts turned into audible words, which in turn hurt my boyfriend’s feelings. Thankfully, after apologizing, we talked it out and resolved it, but it taught me an important lesson. Personal negativity can be damaging to others as well as yourself.
Here are five negative thoughts that can kill relationships, as well as some phrases to replace them with.
1. I’m not good enough for you.
No one is perfect, and there will always be people who are better than you. However, when it comes to relationships, that’s not the point. It’s not about perfection or being good enough for someone, but being the best self you can be.
Replace this with: “Neither of us are perfect, but we’re perfect for each other.”
2. I shouldn’t have said that to you.
This phrase screams of regret, but only when you’re thinking this after everything has been resolved.
Cue Frozen’s anthem, “Let It Go”.
Being human means being imperfect, and once you accept that, you’ll feel a sense of relief. Ultimately, what matters is that you understood why it hurt your partner, you apologized, and that you do your best to not become a repeat offender.
Replace this with: “I made a mistake and I apologized to you for it, and now that it’s resolved, I’m will let it go.”
3. “There are other women/men who are more attractive and smarter than I am.”
Comparison is the thief of joy. In relationships, it can do a lot of damage, because when you compare yourself with others, you start aiming to be someone you’re supposed to be instead of embracing your uniqueness.
Your partner wasn’t forced to be with you—he/she chose you. Relationships don’t just happen; they’re formed as a result of two people making the decision to be with each other, because they make each other happy and love each other for who they are.
Replace this with: “I am beautiful, and besides, you chose me for more than my brains and my looks.”
4. “I’m not going to open up to you because I don’t want to be a burden.”
This phrase has been a repeat offender in my own life, because I grew up in an environment where everyone fends for him/herself.
Here’s the thing. You can’t expect to be in a healthy relationship if you put an emotional barrier between you and your partner. It doesn’t work that way. It’s a process, but you need to accept that your partner wants to listen to you and help you when you need it.
Replace this with: “I’m not a burden, and I trust you enough to be vulnerable around you.”
5. “I don’t deserve to be with you.”
Every time I meet a great guy and I feel like it’s too good to be true, this phrase pops up in my mind, and all sorts of insecurities come rushing after it.
Everyone is worthy and deserving of genuine love. No one deserves to be dragged along or abused in an unhealthy relationship. Don’t settle for less than you want or deserve.
Replace this with: “I deserve to be with someone who respects and loves me for me.”
The mind is powerful, and getting rid of negative thoughts will allow your relationship nourish and to bloom with each passing day. You deserve to be in a fulfilling, positive, and overall happy relationship. Remember: happy relationships lead to a happier self!
Sarah is a 23-year-old native New Yorker who is pursuing a career in sports journalism. When she’s not writing about sports, she’s watching Criminal Minds, writing her own crime-drama based stories or enjoying the peace of quietness either in her room or in the midst of nature. She aims to travel to every state in the country and plans to leave New York and settle down elsewhere.
Photo by KelsieTaylor