How to Develop Emotional Intelligence, Strong Self Confidence and Good Habits

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(Contributing Author: Chris J. Hillman)

As hiring the right employees in this competitive world becomes increasingly important there are some good ways now to sort out people who are skilled but also emotionally intelligent. Companies and organizations have become increasingly aware that emotionally intelligent people typically make the best employees.

Because of this, many companies are hiring candidates with a High Emotional Quotient (EQ) rather than those with high IQ. EQ is going to become more important than ever before in business and really in any field as hiring good people is the key to a company’ or organization’s success. If you don’t have the right Culture and people, you can have a great product or service and still fail.

What is EQ?

A person with Emotional Intelligence is confident, empathetic, a very good communicator and listener, proactive, able to hand high and lows of their days well and someone who has very good people skills and a difference maker. They are self-actualized and high on the Maslow pyramid of needs.

How do you learn it?

You learn it by being self-aware, practicing using the concepts and adjusting as needed and listening well to others and what they need and are looking for. There are many books and more information on the Internet about EQ. It just needs to be studied and learned. Daniel Goleman wrote the initial book on EQ almost 20 years ago. Here is a link to his website:

{http://www.danielgoleman.info/}

Here are some ways to get started on learning about EQ and becoming Emotionally Intelligent:

· Take the *Myers Briggs* test to learn what your personality type is and how you make decisions. This is a great place to start and here is a link to a free Myers Briggs test.

www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

· Commit to becoming a good listener. Practice looking someone in the eye and just listening to what they have to say and wait to answer them until it is appropriate after they have finished.

· Decide that no matter what happens during the day, it’s a choice to remain cool, thoughtful, and give important decisions time before reacting or deciding what to do. Generally, you will make better decisions if you take some thoughtful time rather than just reacting

· For example, if someone has hurt you, wait a day and you will make a better decision on how you want to handle it if at all.

· Make a list of new things you want to accomplish and work on them daily. This will build your confidence and give you momentum. An action is a key rather than just talk. Understanding is not enough. It is the doing that produces growth and results.

What does it do for you

It is absolutely 100% worth it to constantly work on increasing your EQ. Emotional intelligence can improve your life and help a person to realize their full potential.

Have you ever known a person who just seems like the rock of everyone they know? That is, they always keep cool and stable no matter what’s happening. They’ve probably got a high EQ.

An emotionally intelligent person will have more consistency in life. That is, they will have fewer highs and lows. They will see things more clearly, and they will have a quiet confidence that they can handle the challenges of life. They won’t let their emotions take over their rational way of thought, and they will thus have a life filled with more love, joy, and fulfillment.

On top of that, every aspect of your life will improve, because you will be better equipped to deal with life in general. Jobs will become easier and more rewarding, and your personal life will improve dramatically over time.

Consider this: some famous people who demonstrate considerable emotional intelligence would be Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Warren Buffett, and Meryl Streep. Those who do not? Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan, and Amanda Bynes.

What else does it do for you

When you become emotionally intelligent, life becomes your masterpiece. You get along well with people and you are more effective at work. You have more confidence and most importantly you can take the ups and downs of life much easier.

In the most famous poem by Rudyard Kipling called “IF” there is much wisdom. A person who can live up to the things in that poem is exceedingly emotionally intelligent. Study that poem; it is a very well written and wise poem.

Daily Habits

The most successful people in life have good habits. I promise you that is true.

Daily they do things that help them accomplish their goals. Things, like working out to be fit, eating properly, being kind and helpful to others, reading, and learning, and practicing things, are examples of this.

Develop good habits and replace your bad habits with good ones. It will pay off immensely. Analyze what habits you have that are good and keep doing that or more. Identify your bad habits and what you need to change and replace these habits with good ones.

There is a very good book called *The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy*, which can help you to develop good habits and keep them and how things compound for you when you do this.

Developing Self Confidence

Develop confidence in yourself, which is the most important trait of all. This is accomplished by mastering new challenges, being good to yourself, and rejecting the internal critic that many listen to way too often. You can develop enormous confidence by accomplishing and trying new things that
are important to you. Examples are If you learn to play a musical instrument, learn a new computer program, become a good communicator and join in groups that support you. Your confidence will soar over time. It is the successful accomplishment of new goals that builds confidence and
the cornerstone is deliberate practice. You must get out of your comfort zone and if something sounds difficult, that is your cue to do it.

By becoming goal oriented and working on your goals daily and practicing continuous improvement, confidence will grow incrementally. Confidence is the key to being an effective person. You can’t make free throws, speak in front of groups, write a book, or become good at your work without a core
belief that you are worthwhile, talented, and well liked. Confident people are attractive, good leaders, and become people who will be able to get out of their comfort zones and grow.

 

Resources for learning EQ
Books

https://www.amazon.com/Librium-Unleash-Power-Emotional-Intelligence/dp/0578083604

https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X/ref=sr_1_4?s=booksie=UTF8qid=1522601578&sr=1-4&keywords=emotional+intelligence

“The Compound Effect” by Darren Hardy
Websites

http://www.talentsmart.com/services/train-the-trainer-certification.php
https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/15-websites-that-will-make-your-emotional-intelligence-better.html

Putting it all together

Like anything in life, it is all up to you and your effort. By learning Emotional intelligence, developing good habits and developing strong self-confidence you will be a powerful person with tools and skills that will serve you in all walks of your life.

This is going to take a lot of work and practice and persistence. You will not accomplish this overnight, but it takes daily incremental work over time that will deliver this to you. That is what the above-mentioned book (*The Compound effect*) is all about

I would consider this work you do the equivalent of getting a Master’s Degree, but the good news is that it is not academic. It is real, palpable, and life-changing.

I challenge you to commit to this and do the work. It will be worth it I assure you.

The Takeaway

Life is a series of choices. A person can choose to stay stagnant, or they can choose to make worthwhile adjustments in their behaviors. The exciting thing about emotional intelligence and developing good habits and self-confidence is that it’s something you can control that will have an enormous impact on your happiness and success.

Get started on this today. It will take courage and hard work, but totally and completely worth it.

About the Author:

Chris J. Hillman is a University of Arizona Graduate in Business, He has lived in Southern California for 30 plus years. He is a Sales Consultant, Bus Dev Director for a Software Company, and Freelance writer. Areas of interest are Leadership, Corporate Culture and Emotional Intelligence in the workplace. He consults with companies on sales improvement and personal development
using the concept of emotional intelligence as the base.

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