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If You Truly Value Yourself, Then You Need To Stop Saying These 4 Things

by Carol Morgan

Do you value yourself enough?

Well, up until recently, I sure wasn’t.

A couple of weeks ago, I had someone tell me that I was not charging enough for my keynote speeches.

My first reaction was confusion, plus a little bit of self-deprecating humor.

I thought, “Why don’t you think I’m charging enough? Am I completely out of the loop for the going rate for someone like me to speak at corporate events? Or, on the positive side, I’m just really that awesome and I could be the next Oprah?”

value yourself

Anyway, a conversation about it ensued, and then I came to the conclusion that she was right: I’m not charging enough for my keynotes.

But I refused to think that I was out of the loop that much. So I had to turn to other possibilities.

If I’m undercharging, does that mean that I don’t value my message, or my work, or even myself? I didn’t think so. But I had to dig deep and think about it.

What were the subconscious thoughts that were blocking me from thinking that I should charge more? I had a few answers…such as my older sisters saying things like, “You’re a doctor?!” orPeople actually listen to you? Bahahaha!”

Keep in mind, my sisters are only teasing me. They are actually very supportive. But in the back of my head, I am just their little sister.

Could that be holding me back? (Actually, I have a whole other article to write on that topic sometime. That will be fun.)

I regularly speak and write about the subconscious beliefs we all have that are holding us back. But it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I had to analyze my own hidden beliefs.

In the past, I’ve written about what to do (or think) when other people don’t value you. But what if you are the one who is not valuing yourself enough?

Here are four things that may be going through your mind without you even knowing it.

And, of course, all of them are holding you back. Do any of them sound like you?

Self-Destructive Things You Need To Stop Saying

1. “I’m just helping people. I don’t need money for it.”

Helping people is great. We should all be helping people.

But at what point does that turn from helping them to getting used by them?

Related: How To Have A Positive Money Mindset

Accepting money for a service is called an energy exchange. If you do nice things for a friend and you never get thanked (or maybe they never do anything nice in return for you), well, you’re kind of getting used.

The same thing applies to getting paid for services. Money is an energy exchange – a symbolic “thank you.” And it’s a vitally important one too. Without it, you have the potential of being used.

2. “I feel bad taking money from people.”

Do you feel bad collecting your paycheck? No.

Do you think that McDonald’s feels bad for accepting money for your Quarter Pounder with Cheese? No.

Related: 5 Tips To Ordering The Healthiest Food At McDonald’s

Do you think that a movie star has a problem accepting money from their blockbuster? Of course not!

It all sounds kind of silly when you re-frame it like that, doesn’t it? So why would you ever feel bad for accepting money from people? As I said in #1, it’s simply an energy exchange. Think of it as doing the person a favor by allowing them to be a giver.

3. “They can’t afford it, so I’ll take whatever they can give me.”

If they can’t afford you, then maybe they should find someone else. And I don’t mean that in a condescending way.

But there is always someone who will do the job cheaper than you…at least, there should be. You see, if you are the one at the bottom of the barrel who is accepting everyone’s sloppy seconds, then you don’t value yourself enough.

Related: 7 Reasons Why People With Confidence Succeed

4. “I’m humble. I’m just like ol’ me.” 

Ah….being humble is a great characteristic, isn’t it? Well, not when it comes to money!

To be humble is to not value yourself and your talents. Now, I’m not telling you to become conceited and stuck up. But you need to know that being proud of yourself and your accomplishments is not conceit.

Related: 3 Ways To Become The Person You Want To Be

We are all valuable and accomplished in our own ways. Have someone read your resume out loud to you. Trust me, it will give you a whole new perspective, and you’ll finally realize how awesome you are.

The Takeaway

If you heard your own voice in these four statements above, I challenge you to re-program your subconscious and get rid of these self-defeating ideas. They are hogwash! They are only true if you think they are true. Otherwise, they are just unproductive lies you are telling yourself and they are holding you back. To value yourself, you need to rid yourself of them. Start cheering yourself on today.

Cheers! To your success!


carol morganCarol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University. She is also a motivational expert on the TV show ‘Living Dayton,’ the co-host of a popular radio show, a video expert for, a frequent keynote speaker, and the author of several books.

Image by *amanda lynn

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