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There’s No Such Thing As Casual Sex. Here’s Why

by Judith Orloff MD
there is no such thing as casual sex

There’s no such thing as casual sex. Now what does that mean?

During sex, energy gets transmitted to your partner affecting his or her well-being.

Your energy fields overlap conveying both joy and despair, even during brief “hook-ups.” From that perspective, there is no such thing as casual sex.

To expand on this, Tantra is a potent Hindu system which teaches the art of erotic love by combining sex and spirit. Westerners often see sex as linear, the goal being orgasm, but Tantra views sexual love as a sacrament and an energy exchange. According to Tantra, orgasm isn’t simply a physical release. Using specific positions, you move erotic energy upward from the genitals to nourish and purify your whole being.

casual sex

I’ve had a series of tantric sessions which have helped open my sensuality and sexuality. My teacher always keeps his eyes steady on me conveying appreciation and sexiness. In Tantra, women are treated as the “goddess” and the feminine energy is revered. This feels incredible!

Emotions During Sex: Are They Normal?

It’s fun to be aware of energy during lovemaking. This is why there is no casual sex: energy is emitted through the eyes; the sensual way you look at someone can arouse him or her. Eye contact is a way to stay connected to your partner. Also during orgasm, when energy rises, you may liberate emotions which may feel uncomfortable.

Related: 5 Reasons Why Your Emotional Intelligence Matters More Than Your IQ

I’ve had numerous (mostly male) patients say, “My wife sometimes cries when we make love. Have I done something wrong?” I explain to couples, “In both men and women, crying and laughing are emotional releases, signs of passion, not anything that needs fixing.”

Tantric educator Barbara Carellas calls spontaneous laughing during sex “giggleasms.” Check out these reactions with your partner. Unless he or she says differently, there’s nothing “to do” except rejoice in how free your partner feels to emotionally surrender with you.

To experience how knowing about energy can improve your sex life, try the following exercise alone or with a partner. It takes orgasm beyond the short version of “it feels so good and it’s over” to a level of extended meditative bliss.

Related: Why Meditate? The Minimalist Guide To Meditation

How To Surrender To An Orgasmic Meditation

1. Relax and unwind

Set aside some time to be sensual. Turn off the phone. Put a “do not disturb” sign on your door. It’s important not be rushed.

To unwind, take a few deep breaths. Feel your belly rise with each in-breath, become softer with each out-breath. Focus on the sensuality of your body.

2. Have an orgasm

Stroke yourself. Indulge in a sexy thought. Arouse each other with foreplay if you’re with a partner. In whatever way you like, whether you’re self-pleasuring or making love, bring yourself to orgasm.

Feel the orgasm rise, then peak, then explode. Let yourself melt into it. Surrender to the pleasure.

Related: 10 Facts That Can Improve Your Sex Life (And Shock Your Partner In The Sheets!)

3. Meditate

A wonderful way to feel sexual energy move is to meditate immediately after an orgasm.  A minute or so following climax, sit in an upright position. It’s much easier to meditate when you’re relaxed.

Close your eyes: this intensifies any experience. Inhale and exhale slowly. Focus lightly on the lingering bliss of orgasm. Let it spread throughout your body. Don’t force anything. Sexual energy moves through you naturally.

Surrender to the sensations as they heighten. Savor the warmth, tingles, or rush. Eyes still closed, you may slip into a state of intuitive awareness.

Related: 6 Benefits Of Having A Healthy Sex Life

You may see colors, vibrate from head to toe, or even feel God. Spontaneous intuitions about people, work, or health may flash through. Later, be sure to write these down and act on them. There is no time limit for this meditation.

Continue as long as you like. Let the orgasmic energy transport you to higher states of consciousness, visions, and pleasure.

The Takeaway

During orgasm ordinary boundaries blur. You’re vulnerable. Your heart opens. In the best of situations, orgasm is an exchange of energy that blesses both partners. The French call it “le petit mort” or “little death,” a total surrender that catapults you and your lover into the ecstatic arms of the Divine.


Judith Orloff MD is author of the national bestseller The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life, upon which this article is based. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, intuitive healer, and New York Times bestselling author who synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. An Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, she passionately believes that the future of medicine involves integrating all this wisdom to achieve emotional freedom and total wellness.

Photo by julie.barnofski

Original published 9/25/2015. Updated on 10/20/20

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