Many people think of breakups as failures. However, just because your relationship didn’t last that doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your time.
There are many things that you can learn from a breakup—both about yourself, and about how to approach relationships in the future.
What To Learn From Heartbreak
1. You learn what to look for in a future relationship
What are the things that worked in your last relationship? There had to be reasons why you chose to be with that person.
Try to think about the characteristics and traits of your partner that meshed well with your personality. Just because you broke up with them doesn’t mean that you can’t appreciate the things that you liked about them.
Related: The 7 C’s Of Happy Relationships
Don’t try to recreate that relationship with someone else or find a clone of your previous partner. Just try looking at the facets of your relationship that went smoothly. This way, you will have the information that you need to make better decisions in the future about the types of people you let into your life.
However, you don’t have to rush this process. Breakups can be hard to recover from, and you may not be ready to see the positive aspects of your relationship immediately after it ends. Give yourself time to grieve, and when you have more clarity on the matter, take time to give it some serious thought.
2. You discover what you don’t want in a future relationship
Your previous partner may have seemed like the ideal person for you. You may have thought that they were everything you wanted, but not what you needed in the end.
Pay attention to what went wrong so that you don’t keep putting yourself in the same situation. While some people hit gold with their first relationship, for many people this just isn’t the case. However, if you keep employing the same tactics, you’ll get the same results.
This doesn’t just apply to the mistakes the other person made. You should evaluate your role in the relationship as well. Looking at the things that brought on the demise of your last relationship will give you the insight to figure out the things that you don’t want to repeat in your next relationship.
3. You learn to let people go
Something we all have to learn to do in life is to let people go. Whether you are talking about a romantic relationship or a friendship, there will be people that leave your life. Getting used to life without someone that you once relied on is a tough task, but eventually you’ll get accustomed to going about your day to day life without them.
Sometimes, we hold onto things that don’t work anymore because we are afraid of change. Letting that person go might be scary, you may find that you are happier without them, knowing that you will find someone who is better suited for you.
4. You figure out how to live with your choices
For better or worse, the choices that we make shape who we are. After a breakup, you may begin to question the choices that led to your split, but knowing that there could have been things that you may have changed if you had the insight that you do know is different from wallowing in the past.
Obsessing over every argument isn’t going to change the past; it’s just going to drive you crazy. Feeling disappointed about the loss of a partner is normal but you can’t let this feeling consume you. Reflect and learn from your past, but eventually you will have to let yourself move on…and that includes accepting the choices that led you to the present.
Breakups, no matter how hard they are to get over, have the power to help you evolve into a stronger, more mature individual. The power lies in how you decide to interpret the situation. You can chose to only see heartache, or you can accept your past and learn from it.
Lauren Pickens is a freelance writer and Inspiyr contributor. She holds Bachelor of Arts in Communications and enjoys writing about lifestyle and culture. To read more of her writing, visit her website.
Photo by Natalia Ciobanu