Jerry Maguire got it wrong when he muttered the line, “You complete me.” Not only did he make single ladies feel like they needed their very own Jerry Maguire, he also gave them the impression that we are only “whole” when we are in a relationship. This is just plain false.
Sure, most people don’t like to be alone. But if you have an actual fear of it, here are 5 ways to get over your fear of being alone.
Ways to Get Over Your Fear of Being Alone
1. Remember that being alone isn’t “abnormal” or “weird.”
Our society bombards us with images of happy couples. From Disney movies like Cinderella to romantic comedies like Pretty Woman, our culture tells us that a “Knight in Shining Armor” exists for all women.
Even if you don’t buy into the illusion of the fairy tales, most of us get married – or at least want to. Basically, we’ve been brainwashed that being “single” equals “abnormal,” or “weird.” But guess what? It doesn’t.
2. Make your alone time happy, fun, and meaningful.
Don’t just sit around and sulk. Get out there in the world and have fun. If you’re an extrovert, gather up your friends as often as you can for girls’ night out, or plan mini-vacations. In other words, stay busy and enjoy life! Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t be happy and have fun.
If you’re more of an introvert, then use this time to re-connect with yourself and discover who you are and what you want out of life (extroverts can do that too). Bottom line – don’t just sit around and wait for Mr./Ms. Right to knock on your door. Have a great time with your single life!
3. Realize that being alone is better than being in a bad relationship.
If you’re single and lonely, well, at least you’re single and lonely – not ‘married and lonely.’ Remember that even though you might not like the uncertainty of being alone, at least uncertainty breeds opportunity.
If you’re in a bad relationship, then you are not in a position to find someone who will make you happy. If you’re single, that leaves the door open for the right person to find you.
4. Fear is an illusion – you’re already alone.
The only fear we really have is our inability to cope with an unknown happening in the future. For example, if you’re nervous about an upcoming interview, what you’re really afraid of is your supposed inability to perform well. But once you’re there, then you don’t really feel the fear as much because you’re focused in the moment. So to apply this logic when you’re single.
You’re already single, right? That means you’re coping with it just fine! And if you are currently in a bad relationship, go back and re-read #3 (uncertainty breeds opportunity and allows the right person to enter your life).
5. Happiness is a decision.
Ultimately, you have a choice at every given moment of how to perceive the situation. One of my many mottos is “It’s only a problem if you think it’s a problem. Otherwise, it’s a learning opportunity.” So if you think being alone is a problem, then it will be a problem for you. But if you choose to focus on the advantages of being single, then you will be happy regardless of your relationship status.
Remember, you – and you alone – are responsible for your happiness and your life.
Related: 6 Ways to Become Happy
Yes, having a good relationship is wonderful. But being alone can be amazing too! There are plenty of positive things that come along with being “footloose and fancy-free.” All you need to do is believe that it’s true.
Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University. She is also a motivational expert on the TV show ‘Living Dayton,’ the co-host of a popular radio show, a video expert for eHow.com, a frequent keynote speaker, and the author of several books.
Photo by Alex Bellink