Why Marriages End and What You Can Do To Keep Yours Alive
When I found out that Tiger Woods had been cheating on his blonde bombshell-of-a-wife with about fifty different women, I was flabbergasted. He had a great career, lots of money, and a hot wife, so why would he do something so stupid? The simple truth is that there are several reasons why marriages fail; being aware of the most common reasons for divorce can help couples alleviate problems in their marriages and help prevent divorce in the future.
1. Infidelity
Cheating seems like the most common reason for divorce, due largely in part to the media. Athletes, singers, politicians, and other “celebrities” are often in the spotlight because of their infidelity; in some cases, this cheating involves multiple people and is usually quite scandalous, garnering worldwide attention and often wrecking their personal and professional lives. But infidelity isn’t just reserved for those in the limelight – it’s a situation that arises in the marriages of normal people, too. Infidelity is different from the other reasons on this list primarily because it’s usually caused by other issues. As a matter of fact, it may occur because of…
2. Communication
Communication is often the glue that holds a marriage together. If two people are in-tune with each other’s feelings, opinions, and values, then it’s a great benefit to their relationship. Generally, this means that they actually have to speak honestly and openly with each other, and although it may seem difficult to do this amidst jobs, children, and other obligations, it’s an important component to any relationship. If two people don’t openly express their feelings or concerns, then there’s no way to work together to help or fix them. Talk about sex. Tell your partner if you feel emotionally or mentally unfulfilled. If you need attention, ask for it. Two people get married because they communicate that they love each other and want to make their love official…so this is a great place to start.
3. Money
Money is one factor that heavily influences the stability and solidity ...
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In Nigeria, the top reason for divorce is the man becoming wealthy. This gives him an incredible sense of entitlement to anything in skirts, and he starts to think he is God. Spousal abuse often follows, and he cannot wait to kick out the woman who stood by his side, long-suffering, while he made his millions. Most rich Nigerian men cannot wait to replace their wives with some bimbo airhead trophy wife. Luckily, many Nigerian women are fighting back, and have just as many affairs as the men, in some cases. Well, what a man can do…….
Wait.. Isn’t gay marriage the main reason for divorce?
Why marry at all? Same old saying “just a piece of paper”.. Enjoy life, talk to each other openly and honestly, waste of time marriage, don’t need it..
I am appalled that domestic violence and abuse is no longer a good enough reason for divorce. If I had not divorced my abusive, violent ex-husband (and spent the last 18 years hiding from him), I’d most likely be dead by now.
I identify with what you are saying – same for me.
90 percent of divorces are initiated by women. So, the MAIN reason why divorce happens is because of WOMEN.
And then the woman goes on to screw the man in divorce financially and emotionally and kidnaps his children from him.
American women are evil. Do not ever marry them. Google “Don’t Marry” essay.
I totally agreed with you. I have served in United STates Army. I lived a miserable life trying to save as much as I could to buy a new house. I spent almost 2-5 dollar a day. When I was honorable discharged, I purchased a new home and 2006 used salvage car for me and 2008 brand new car for my X. I never cheated on her neither beat her up or cursing. Yet, she divorced me without any good or stupid reason; took all my money, and SHE IS THE VICTIM.
THE ONE REASON FOR DIVORCE IS A WOMEN
Abe, It takes 2 to tango. Do you really believe you are faultless? “yet she divorced me without any good or stupid reason” Did you nurture your marraige or just provide financial security? I could care less about a ‘new home or a new car’ I’d much rather have a husband that invested himself in the marraige. Too many men think their job is to provide $$$ and have no clue how to find time for the woman they claim they love.
If that was really the case, then why do women go all out to screw as much money as they can from their ex-husbands? My ex-wife said she would be happy living in a tent with me, yet when our marriage broke down, after supporting her financially for 17 & 1/2 years so she could further her education & do numerous post graduate degrees, she left the country with my son & is now taking me to the cleaners, whilst she is shacked up with another man & being supported by him.
Such is life.
What the GI said below is true to point that when a woman starts cheating she has an excuse for every absence, then she claims that she was studying or something else. After that they take you to the cleaners, because they want to have money that they never worked for, nor earned. Most women are offering something, even SEX, hoping for a BIG return, so what out before making any committment, or you will wnd up inpoor house.
Mine began to cheat after 15 years of marriage, and more that 33 guys knew her in the Biblical sense of the word. She clean me out and laughed all the way to the bank.
Women may initiate divorce, but we have no data on whether they want to.
IMO the American male is most likely responsible: in my experience they just cannot ‘give’ in the sense of listening. Their entitlement to being right, never acknowledging anything and inability to stop before blood is drawn while being passive-aggressive in communication makes the male contribution to relationship a total zero.
The imperative to get one’s own way, or be the law, is the problem with males.
It manifests as a continuum, so many men will be able plausibly deny, but the ongoing carnage using guns is the extreme manifestation of the frustration of not getting one’s own way. Divorce is the civilized alternative.
A little research would go a long way with the author. The TOP FOUR reasons for divorce are: 1) Death of a child 2) Infidelity 3) Remodelling 4) Incarceration
Remodelling is not one you might think of being important. But studies show that if your living environment is torn up and it’s costing you a lot of money at the same time, marriage will often be the unintended victim. Words to the wise: invest in a rental apartment BEFORE you attempt a big remodel.
There’s plenty of studies as to the top reasons for divorce. A good marriage counselor will tell you that in each case, communication is the difference between overcoming breakdown in a marriage or succumbing to divorce. The author of the article clearly did ZERO research.
Top FOUR REASONS as measured how? First of all, the title of the article is “4 Reasons Marriages End In Divorce”, not “Top 4 Reasons Marriages End In Divorce”. Second, I doubt the total number of divorces due to child deaths exceeds the number of divorces due to infidelity. In fact the number of divorces due to child death should be relatively small, simply because the number of child deaths itself is relatively small (compared to number of divorces each year). So it is important to clarify how you are measuring “top”. I think what you may be referring to is the top four events that are most likely to cause divorce. That is comparing the percentage of marriages/divorces PER EVENT (and then ranking those *events*) rather than ranking the total number of divorces by reason and then picking those top 4 reasons.
That being said, with respect, I do think that the article is written in “common-sense” language that does smack unintentionally of lack of research; for instance the section on poverty, as a cause for divorce, has no attribution to any studies. Low income could easily be one of those “common-sense” fallacies that seems like it would be a cause but a scientific study might not show a strong casual link (it might even be an inverse relationship, one can be sure only with statistics etc).
I think most likely AND most frequent would both be interesting; remodelling is an eye-opener! Also, perhaps depression (reasonable chance to occur to one partner at some point over a marriage?) and certain personality-type matchups (two type A’s?) have some datum that warrants being considered for this list. A good point posted above about domestic violence, too, which could be examined.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201107/common-sense-is-neither-common-nor-sense
Top 4 reasons for Divorce: 1. Selfishness. 2. Selfishness. 3. Selfishness. 4. Selfishness. People simply don’t care about their mate more than themselves and so they divorce, looking for an easy way out. They may mention some of the things in the article as excuses but it all comes back to selfishness on the part of one or both.
Why isn’t being bashed up by a drunken spouse on the list of dealbreakers?
Not tryin to be smart, seriously, but I think that falls on the “too obvious to tell someone” list. Thats not something to watch for or work on, it’s just something not to be tolerated. But I see what you meant. Some folks need it on a list, an email, and in order to save life and limb if needed, straight told to their face. All of which often fail
A big reason for divorce–or, at least, a very unhappy marriage–having a very good chance of becoming part of ones future happens even before the marriage takes place.
What I’m talking about is marrying for “the wrong reasons.”
Some things (and there are even more than these) that would fall under the category of “the wrong reasons” are as follows:
buying into the idea that marriage is something that “good” people do, so you set out to get married because you want to be married instead of because you’ve found someone you want to marry
getting married on the rebound while still carrying the torch for someone else whom you believe you “should” get over and go about “getting on with your life”
getting married to someone of the opposite sex in order to become “healed” from being gay
marrying someone–even while having a gut-feeling that this person isn’t truly “the one”–because all of your friends think that you and this person make such a wonderful couple
marrying someone mainly because you want to keep or create an image of belonging to a certain segment of society, and this person is a means to make this happen
marrying someone because you’ve been together for so long that you’ve already invested too many months/years in the relationship (even if it’s a very bad relationship) just to leave and start over again
getting married because you’re afraid of growing old and lonely
getting married based on some physical characteristic (e.g. large breasts. toned muscles) while not getting to know the person’s personality traits
getting married to someone in hopes of changing him/her to fit your image of the ideal spouse
getting married because you went too far and lost your virginity, so this is the only way to “make it right”
getting married because the two of you have created a child together even though your main interest in each other is more of a lustful nature than a loving nature
getting married because you think there’s something wrong with you NOT to want to marry such a wonderful person–even though your heart is telling you that you aren’t in love with this person but are just in a comfortable, positive, but platonic relationship.
Very, very good points. A big one, for me, is when you mentioned “getting married because you’re afraid of growing old and lonely”. A whole lot of people “fall in love” with someone only because that other person was the only one that reciprocated.
yes.
My marriage died by utter neglect. I was neglected in every way you in which you could neglect your “partner”. My then husband against my objections, took a job which was graveyard shift and promised it would only be for a short while. 7 years later of sleeping alone 5 days a week, fallsing asleep the other 2 was hard enough. While never being the most social of all people, he took it to a new level. I ended up socializing by myself. I wrapped Christmas presents by myself, I spent New Years by myself. I couldn’t even get him to take a walk with me because heaven forbid it might mean we run into someone we knew and he had to talk to them, and it always felt as though he were trying to get back home as quickly as possible. It was no picnic and it didn’t stop there.
His ex before me cheated on him and he never dealt with it. Because of his social issues, he internalized everything and I was the one who landed up paying for it, even though I Never stepped outside our marriage, not once. I could not talk about my day because if I mentioned anyone (80% of the people I work with are male) it always meant that there was a “reason” for talking about him or in some cases her.
I never gave him a reason to doubt me. I went to work, I came home. I didn’t go out on weeknights and I didn’t go out on weekends. If I was going to be 10 minutes late because I had to pick something up at the store, I would arrive a few minutes later with whatever I had to pick up. He was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and no matter what I did or how long I stayed, it was always there. He was also never fully honest with me. He always tried to tell me what he though I wanted to hear, when all I wanted was the truth. The only time he couldn’t backtrack what he said was when he was put into a verbal corner and he couldn’t talk his way out of what he wanted me to think and he couldn’t put it off for tomorrow.
By the end I was so tired of always having to proove myself. That I wasn’t his ex wife, I was me. That I was here, that I wasn’t cheating on him. That I was so lonely. There was no laughter, no play, no touch, no intimacy and most of all no trust. Any time I put my sex drive into gear I was told that he wasn’t a machine (if I had a nickel every time I heard that). I’m the only woman I know who was told that on her honeymoon.
It’s not like he didn’t know what I was feeling. I can’t count how many times I begged, pleaded, cried to the point of being hysterical telling him exactly how I felt and exactly what I needed. There was no guesswork needed. The only thing I didn’t do was hire a skywriter….
They say how do you know when enough is enough….we all know when we reach our breaking point, and I finally reached mine.
Good Choice, Hope you find a better, loveabler man
22 years ago, I was with a man, had a daughter with him, and eventually kicked him out when she was 9 months old due to his drug and alcohol use.
Needless to say, I was devestated as he was the love of my life. Think I got married to someone else because I felt alone and needed someone in my life. I was married for 13 years, together with him for 22. I evenually had a son, 9 years after my daughter was born. My then husband was controlling, emotionally abusive, and a narcisist. I evenually woke up, 13 years later and left him and got a divorce.
Karma does play a HUGE part in my life as my ‘ex’ came back into my life, completely turned around, and made me fall back in love with him.
We are now happily married. I think it took all the issues we both had to finally be together.
Beautiful Story! Thanks for sharing and I truly wish you both God’s greatest blessings…
I ve a married woman who’s husband cheated on her with a woman he was working with twice. This happen at two different jobs and I stayed with him because of the children. I know that’s not a good reason cause I don’t trust him we just there. I always wanted what was best for my children somethimg I never had If they knew their daddy was a low down dirty dog they would tell me to leave his behind. I have put too much in this marriage that’s why I’m still there an besides i put him out and he want leave. So we are just to people trying to find our way back to each other once again.
many waters cannot quench love so says the scripture the problem with man is the rebellion against GOD .that is the problem with todays family structure.
Totally agree!
After 35 years of being Married (still) as I see it a lot of couples have the same issues I have.
My work has always required me to travel, now in my position with the company they gladly pay for her to travel with me. After all this time being there to doing our part raising the children and standing by her side always even with her always being the one to go and take care of everyone else for as long as I can remember if anyone her mother, father, aunt, friend or kids called with whatever emergency they had at the time she would go to them no matter what I thought. I have always lived on the hope that this would eventually come to an end as we got older our children grown and all out on their own. I felt it would become our time to be the companions and lovers we have always portrayed ourselves to be. But it seems no matter what she finds a reason not to be with me when I am at work or even stay at our home and take care of some of the things that are required to be done there. She comes to stay with me once in a great while but for the most part she finds a reason to be at the children’s house or her Dads house, So for me it is not just the lack of sex as most believe it to be, I miss the companionship I have worked my whole life to have, which makes you start wondering about finding someone who wants to spend time with you.
You have my sympathy. She sounds passive-aggressive. If I had a husband like you, I would enjoy every waking moment together and certainly be glad for the quality time we shared. Work and other daily life situations take up so much time, you have to set aside one evening a week that is just for you and your significant other to be together. That day and time must be held sacred. Only a death in the family could break that date and it had better be your or the significant other’s funeral.
If you can’t make a date and keep it, then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. Why would you want to continue a marriage where you are taken for granted or not appreciated?
I’m very sorry for your situation and I hope you find the happiness you seek. Have you considered marriage counseling?
Start going out with others and let nature take it’s course. She treats you worse than a watch dog so you have no reason to be guilty about trying to spend your life in a fun and loving way. She certainly knows how to take care of herself so you’re wasting your time worrying about her any longer… Best of luck to you, sir.
I divorced my wife because she was an emotional wreck, i tried to re-assure her up until the day i was tired. It was then i realised i wasn`t cut for emotionally unstable people, highly sensitive people.
Trust me, being in a marriage where everyday you work to re0assure the other person you are not going away, and just one-day with friends watching soccer causes someone to cry and blames you for neglecting her or as if you are maybe bored with her is very frustrating. i was begginig to be frustrated and i opted to separate. yes there was a kid involved but we arranged after sometime. does this mean i had to be more patient??????
More patient? No. It means you should have taken your wife for a medical examinatino with your family doctor and inquired about a psychological exam. Emotional instability can have a physical basis, such as a hormone imbalance, slow thyroid, brain tumor, etc. When the physical causes have been ruled out, psychotherapy to determine if PSTD, depression, etc. is the root cause of a person’s emotional problems. It sounds like your wife lacked self-esteem and suffer from axiety.
Even though you are divorced, you should extend your loving hand and persuade your ex to see her doctor. If not just for her sake, then for the child.
There is no social stigma to get help. People only frown when you need help but refuse to get it.
THIS IS TRUE
I did everything for my ex – I gave up my job to be with him in the Army and looked after our disabled daughter while he went off and did what he wanted to do – football,drinking and being with his mates.Then I found out he had run up 55k on our mortgage AND stolen from our daughter – how low life can you get? He is now shacked up with a moose, he has heart failure…but I am now working full time,( looking after our daughter who is my sanity! ) while he sits on his backside
I hope I am not being rude but did you mean shacked up with a mouse?
I don;t think that we as a society are being taught that both men and women are people and not objects. We forgot that getting to know someone first seemed to have been no longer taught as to why from the previous generation. The media as we see now is certainly not going to teach the current generations either.
what about when you have sex daily with him, help him with the bills, or even pay more than him, have hot figure and pretty face yet he still chooses to f..k some married skank at work because she was willing to spread his legs and he had an opportunity? Made his every fantasy come true and put up with his disgusting, lazy kids yet he still acted like a dog in a heat when I wasn’t around. Guys believe me, its not always about not giving up enough sex, some people are low life’s, free loaders, doesn’t matter what they have at home they will still cheat, lie etc because its just who they are..Dumped his ass, his loser kids are not allowed at my house any more so they can freeload and enjoy everything in my house yet his coworker is still married, now no one even gives him time of the day, while I have guys coming at me from every corner and he wishes he I was still his…what a loser!!its not always not giving up enough sex or being ugly,fat etc…
Sounds like you didn’t respect him anyway.
Women will “take care” of men instead of working on their own lives, hoping he’ll be committed.
Wait a minute! Are you trying to tell us you don’t like him any more?
what if the man think you will never know what he is doing, he said he is going to church and this thim he is with women having sex. And beside that his sisters are finding these women for him, and you are in the home cooking hot meals and washing dishes and cleaning beside shopping, buying grocery and food. and he claims he is busy because he have a stressful job, he is tired and you feeling sorry for him iroing his clothes and doing his laundry.
He only comes home to eat and when it is time to sleep. What do you think about such a husband.Women are not the only one to blame, I came from a decent family background my parents live until death do the parted, and all my relatives is honest and devoted.This particular man works for Bloomberg company and he thinks he have one of the best job on earth, and nobody is like him, he thinks of himself a very superior, and his wife who is very good looking as a dumb,animal,who do not comphrend or understand anything, he will only eat and the lives next door to his mom so after eating he runs over to his mom,
It’s not the kids’ fault. Shame on you for taking your anger out on his children.
Please stop stating how pretty and man’s wife is when he has committed adultery. Tiger’s “gorgeous” wife probably was not sleeping with him. Our culture teaches women that sex is something that will die in a relationship as a couple ages so couples should focus on other compatibility traits which are considered more important to them. Our culture should teach women how important sex is in a relationship to men and without it the relationship can be headed for disaster. If a couple has kids, who in their right mind is going to leave in order to find a new relationship with steady sex. Get real. The man will stay in order to watch his kids grow and have affairs to satisfy what he is not receiving at home. If you had sex while reeling him in. You have to continue in order to keep him. No bull I’m speaking the truth here.
yes withouth sex divorce is there
Yeah….. sex should be at the top of this list. I already have money and companionship.
I’ve been married 32 years. It has not been easy, but its been worth it. I don’t want to think that walking away seems to be so easy, the right thing to do. Money, in-laws, work, death, children, NO MONEY….THINGS HAPPEN. Talking, talking, and more talking…don’t ever walk away without letting your better half know how you feel, it could make or break your marriage by assuming they know how you feel.
Sex is the first reason.
I am a very good lover .. she always has several orgasms every time we have sex … only we do it 4 times a years.
I don’t know why I didn’t dump her earlier … she has been pulling excuses about having sex since day one …
At some point I decided I had enough, met another young lady .. and we are expecting out first baby soon. I had more sex with my new girlfriend before divorcing my wife than I had with my wife in 8 years of marriage.
So stupid ..
I have no regrets
You know what – married 11 years now and beginning to consider my work my life. My wife is a great mother, a good daughter but failing as a wife. I have not cheated on her, but my desires (coupled with the ease to get it out there) are burning. I tell her often, but she is just not understanding hearing the message. Maybe I should give in to temptation. It would be such a waste of years, though.
Think of staying more as just continuing to throw more good money after bad. When our loves abandon us (by not caring to understand anymore about something as important as this), it is time for us to understand and take care of our own needs instead.
Best of luck of luck to you in your soon to be new life.
The biggest reason I see is change. The wife or husband changes, physically, emotionally, mentally, from the person that you married. These changes lead to distrust, disinterest. In my case my wife went from the fun loving, attractive 110 pound girl I married to a bad attitude, 300 pound unattractive (in body and mind) person that I couldn’t stand to be around. There was no communication because of her attitude. There was no sex because of the attitude and her letting herself go. She let me down in many ways.
Ditto
But if you really want to know what a woman will be like on down life’s road, take a good look at her mother. Scary thought,eh? I should have, didn;t, and regretted it.
I was once told that “Marriage is a wonderful institution, provided you belong in an institution.”
The greatest knot upon the liberty of all European people is the praeterpolitical power of the churches to institute monogamy as an ecclesiastic rule of law, thereby enabling them to determine the legitimacy of the succession of the pagan kings, abrogate the natural rights to property and self-defense, as well as power of ecclesiastic censure for divorce.
The government of men’s external actions by religion, pretending the change of nature in their consecrations cannot be esteemed a work extraordinary, it is no other than a conjuration or incantation, whereby they would have men to believe an alteration of nature that is contrary to the testimony of sight and of all the rest of the senses…
The idea “thou shalt marry and be given in marriage” is corrupt and degenerate, which is an impossible immortality of a kind (i.e., eternal love), but not of the persons of men.
Ecclesiastics would have men believe they will receive condign punishment for their contumacy of monogamy, as opposed to the freedom of the polygamy found in nature, which is inherently pagan.
pointless sophistry that has no basis in reality. do you enjoy seeing yourself in print?
tee hee, Pascal!
))
So I gather you don’t agree with marriage?
So when she asks you to read her Nursery Rhymes do you wax or wane? (Just curious:)
A huge reason they fail to mention is STEPCHILDREN and exes. Make very sure you can deal with the stepchildren and the ex before saying I Do. It might save you some heartache and sanity in the end.
Very true! In our situation the ex isn’t a problem, and my ex passed away several years ago; but my kids drive us both crazy. We have been to counciling, doctors for my son’s ADHD issues, now social skills classes.He’s irritable and moody. My older son just got out of rehab, and was previously selling drugs, but is showing great progress at this time.
On the other hand his kids couldn’t be more perfect, and are great kids.Why he hasn’t run off and escaped is beyond me! He is loving, loyal and thinks I’m beautiful. He is wonderful to me and good but firm with my problem children.
The ex and stepchildren were instrumental to the demise of my marriage. I did not want to interfere with my ex and his relationship with his children and, for the most part, remained silent. I didnt want to hear later on that I affected his relationship with his children. My failure to communicate my feelings that boundaries should be set as to when and where he saw them. I don’t know if he would have honored them or not. Long story sort, not only was he seeing and entertaining his children, he was entertaining and seeing his ex! After the children reached adulthood, he and ex continued to see and entertain each other. Being fed up with the circumstances, I chose to divorce him. I am sure that they are still talking to and seeing each other! Was it my fault that I didn’t insist on boundaries from the beginning?